Meghan

lovely_lion @ 2009-07-29T15:48:00

2009-07-29T19:51:13Z

I just want to take regular shits. At regular time intervals, with regular consistency.

And I want to be able to drink again, and eat what I want to. Without taking 2 million pills a day.

New blog

2009-05-15T17:43:41Z

http://sherwoodlovesus.blogspot.com/

Hi friends. I've made a real blog, I'm going to use it to post things I like and artwork (when I figure out how to post it the right way - my camera takes pictures too big and I need to resize them, and put them on photo bucket, or something, to get an html? I don't know) - but it's going to be much better than this one!

And tell me if you have a blogspot so I can follow it!

Yess

2009-05-08T23:06:09Z

http://z.hubpages.com/u/277738_f520.jpg

Ah!!!! <3

mmmmm

2009-05-01T16:25:36Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbkgK-eQqpk

I love this video so much.

I love the smell of fire burning wood.

2009-04-27T00:20:57Z

I detest people. Detest. And route 25. Route 25, east and west, from here. I drove through Commack today, to dix hills and back. Fat people came out of the burger palace. I drove past tons of parking lots and people, and people drove past me. I wonder how many people were driving to see how far they'd go, how much money they'd throw away before they came back. I wanted to take pictures, but I lost the will by the time I turned around. I couldn't see the point.

If Muscles has a party everybody is invited.

lovely_lion @ 2009-04-22T08:25:00

2009-04-22T12:39:26Z

I got to sleep for about 3 hours and the entire time I just had nightmare after nightmare. First I went to the reception at Cooper (the one I'm going to today) and it was really an interview with current staff and students and they were testing me on critiquing art on the spot (and it was the students art that I had to critique, and I couldn't tell if it was real or fabrications for the interview) and on speaking with the staff. The students all bunched around me when we walked and pressed up against me to try and make me uncomfortable. One of them was really trying to scare me and she told me they were trying to see if I was a fake or not, and one of the staff kept shaking her head "no" at me. Then I dreamt that the skin on my hands and arms was peeling up off my hands and arms in huge semi-circular chunks (I recently had an allergic reaction to something in real life and my hands broke out into red bumpy itchy hives that I couldn't cure for about a week and when it finally did go away my knuckles were dry and peeling). I looked sort of like the creature from the black lagoon because the skin would just peel up and stay there. No one would help me and I started crying and it was still the same time frame (I thought it was the same night as last night, when I was trying to sleep) and I started smoking a cigarette in my bead because I was stressed. Then I dropped the burning cigarette in my snakes tank, left my room to cry to my mom, came back, and realized what I had done. I had burnt Randy and he was dead (I'm dreaming about my snake dieing now all the time because he hasn't eaten in about four weeks. I spent $300 getting him a perfect habitat and he still wont eat and I'm very frightened). Randy had died and I was deformed. Then I had a false awakening and "woke up" in my bed at 5 am crying. The Chris came to my house with a bottle of fruit-wine that was cold with real chunks of fruit. He was very drunk and crying with happiness about getting a new "role" in acting and there were pictures of him with white blonde hair in a magazine. I looked at my hands and arms, they were fine. I looked in Randys cage and he was dead. There was blood everywhere and little mammal mouse-snake babies all bloody and dead. And Chris says, "maybe he was pregnant all along."

I no longer feel awful...

2009-04-04T15:05:55Z

nope.

lovely_lion @ 2009-04-02T02:18:00

2009-04-02T06:19:07Z

I feel awful.

He's too good.

2009-03-24T02:42:49Z

Stop worrying about how he could possibly love you, and just love him back.

lovely_lion @ 2009-03-16T23:40:00

2009-03-17T03:43:44Z

Today was the worst. All I did was argue with my parents.

They're threatening not to help me go away to school.

HOWEVER

I bought Throbbing Gristle tickets.

So FUCK YOU ALL. I'm going to see fucking THROBBING GRISTLE!

yay!

And now I'm a fuck up

2009-02-25T18:07:22Z

How do I manage to do the dumbest, most mindless things?

I just want everything to work out, because I'm honestly in love.

So I'm crossing my fingers.

I feel like a piece of shit

2009-02-20T17:06:09Z

A piece of shit very, very far away from where it wants to be, that has no ego, because it's been crushed, and is trying very, very hard not to let itself go, if a piece of shit could let itself go.

Why, am I not sleeping? Well?

2009-02-15T19:33:46Z

When I tried to sleep during the day my mind was preoccupied with Feyaz and All American, and in my dream we were in a parking lot, talking about getting hamburgers. I woke up feeling sad and anxious. Why? The dream was cloudy and grey and I think it might have been raining. But dreaming about wanting to get hamburgers seems silly...

Then last night I dreamt about Cooper. I dreamt that I needed to get the home test to Cooper and my Dad had to drive me. I handed in the test and had driven home when I realized I had forgotten to put the original work and the essays into the envelope. So, I had to get my dad to drive me back but when I got there I realized I had forgotten to BRING any of those things with me to Cooper for a second time, and it was already 4:30 and everything had to be in by 5pm, so I tracked down this guy to give me the essay questions, some paper and a pen, and I found a computer at Cooper to type the answers, while I planned on drawing on the paper to use it as original work... I was sooo heart broken in the dream because I thought I had ruined it all. Then I woke up. I feel so powerless, still.

lovely_lion @ 2009-02-03T19:53:00

2009-02-04T00:55:09Z

There's a Tabby cat up for adoption at petco. She's the cutest cat. They named her Belinda, I named her Can, but I can't have her. I can't have any cat. Unless things go right next semester.

I also need a bigger tank for Randy.

And animals are in my dreams, every night.

Should I go

2009-01-29T22:38:21Z

Should I go to Brooklyn v. Baltimore.

I think I should. :) Fuck gas money.

I haven't had fun in a long time.

Horse shit.

2009-01-21T22:05:30Z

Is art something that has to develop for the sake of itself, not for the sake of the artist? Maybe I've been to self-centered about it.

"We make art despite our situation, not because of it." It's changed everything. So what else is there to stop me? I used to think that the development of myself and of art I made were two inseparable, the same thing, but I'm not sure anymore. It might be better to take myself out of the equation entirely.

I'm going to stop thinking about this bullshit now.

lovely_lion @ 2009-01-20T00:25:00

2009-01-20T05:27:52Z

I don't know why, the city was disgusting today. The weather, I enjoyed, but the look of things, the people seemed different, more perverse and mediocre. Some fucking pervert was real fucking dick to me, and I didn't argue. I need to have more stand-up dignity.

Photography

2009-01-19T08:58:59Z

Two things frustrate me immensly.

2009-01-16T04:48:08Z

Two things frustrate me immensly.

All of the lights, televisions, electronics, people, are turned off by 10 or 11 pm, and I'm the only person awake, for hours. It can drive someone mad to be alone and only be alone at night because they don't leave me alone at any other time. Only when I'm alone do they leave me alone. And when I'm thinking shit turns on to take away my privacy. I can't take it.

David Lynch and his "mystery" persona/merchandise/absurdism. Fuck you David Lynch. People should be nice to people who care. Fuck you. (But you know, my feelings waver because your website is so funny, and so are you.)

One thing that doesn't frustrate me, on the other hand, is how David Lynch used digital video to shoot Inland Empire. In fact, it makes me really, really happy.

lovely_lion @ 2009-01-10T22:19:00

2009-01-11T03:22:49Z

"LOVE IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH!

UNREQUIETED LOVE!

YOU GO TO BED WITH A WOMAN, SHE'LL SQUEEZE YOUR BALLS AND STEAL YOUR KIDNEYS!

I'LL TELL YOU THE WAY TO TREAT A WOMAN,

YOU GRAB HER AND PUT HER TO WORK IN A FACTORY - IN CHINA!

MADE IN CHINA - BY WOMEN!"

I thought it was thursday.

2009-01-07T08:32:13Z

God has granted me another day...

I don't know how I can make myself clear

2009-01-03T02:46:09Z

I hate liars and people who are indirect communicators on purpose so as to hide the truth

from me.

a.k.a. Disingenuous fucks.

but i can take a hint. OR am I being paranoid? Which happens. But I doubt it, not in this case.

Also, WHY do I want to pull an all nighter for the HOMETEST? Stupid. And why am I unhappy sitting in my room reading when I have all of this time to do so? I swear when I get a job I will complain every day about all of the purposeful things I COULD be doing with my time while I'm slaving away, with some absurd service position, as usual.

AND I grew delirious today, several times. A lot about drowning out the world, getting a cat, working to save money to make sure my car is healthy and drive out to the west coast in the late spring where I really have absolutely no where to go, and no purpose for going to if I'm going to continue going to school to pay back my parents for really being nice to me all of my life, generally speaking, even though something turned out pretty weird. Despite our situation, right? And on top of that I have to get to work on all things Suffolk. I paid today in full.

"YOU HAVE TO SIGN THE CHECK."

"Oh, right, ok."

Steal away, steal away from this heartbreak, turn all the lights out.

2008-12-17T06:08:12Z

This is the longest I've ever gone without having honest, strong feelings for someone. I keep forgetting that it helps to turn on music when I'm alone, procrastinating and trying to work. Thinking, not sleeping. I have no delusions about the future this way, I'm not planning outlandish things around someone else's life.

Fills in a void

2008-12-15T07:42:28Z

LI'm trLying to lLook forward L to the idLea of sLeeing the light gL roLw on my waL lls as the sun rises in a few hours. Hopefully I'll achieve a good deal in the next 5 hours (finals). It seems longer than it goes, unfortunately, I need to get hLopping.L If everything works out, however, I should be cured of the NEED to bLe surrounded by wildlife (people) while I work, there fLor, regaining what I had, enjoyLing alone time, progressing work, happy, gooLd.

Christmas PRESENT!

2008-12-05T01:18:03Z

IIIII JUST

won the bid on E-BAY fo' my MICROKORG

I'm sort of excited :)

(gift courtesy of lovely parents, who I'll be living with, lest you forget, next semester)